Category Archives: Humor

The Points System: How To Make Women Happy.

So, I was doing some digital housekeeping when I found this old article from somewhere. With a little editing and polishing, I present to you:

THE POINT SYSTEM: HOW TO MAKE WOMEN HAPPY.

Pay attention guys, I suspect this is pure gold.

Now, in the world of romance and much of what happens on the way there, only one single rule applies: make the woman happy. Sorry guys, they lied. It’s not a man’s world. And yes, BeyoncĂ© was right. Girls do run the world.

So, this is how it works: you do something she likes, you get points. You do something she dislikes, you lose points. And no. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

So here we go:

SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-5)

You leave the toilet seat up (-7)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is empty, you resort to serviettes (-3)
When the serviettes run out you use the next bathroom (-3)

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the pouring rain (+8)
But return with beer (-7)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron or pestle (+10)
It’s her pet (-15)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS AT A PARTY:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy from Uni (-7)
Named Tiffany (-13)
Tiffany is a dancer (-26)
Tiffany has implants (-42)
You still remember her bra size (-120)

HER BIRTHDAY:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not Mr. Biggs (+1)
Okay, it is Mr. Biggs (-5)
And they’re doing a promo (-13)
It’s Mr. Biggs, they’re doing a promo, and you snuck in two six-packs of Heineken (-22)

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:
Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Ford Mustang (-12)
With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED (-19)

A NIGHT OUT:
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s a Chinese movie called Snake In The Monkey Shadow (-3)
Which features people that swordfight on a bamboo leaf (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-800)

COMMUNICATION: WHEN SHE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT A PROBLEM:
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

SPORTS:
You’re not a sports fan (-5)
You’re a sports fan (-5)
The sport is football (-7)
You ignore her to watch a match (-5)
You leave a match to be with her (+0)
Because there’s been a power failure (-5)
The match is a cup final (+0)

EXES:
You’re still friends with your ex (-15)
And she still calls you (-25)
At 8.00pm (-37)
To ask for help (-45)
And you agree to help (-52)
You say “We’ve been friends since childhood” (-74)

THE BIG QUESTION: SHE ASKS, “Do I look fat?”:
You hesitate in responding (-15)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
Any other response (-20)

______________________
For more wise words and discoveries like this, please follow me on twitter @iamashiwel

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